Reality Jump
by Spectra
Summary: A Self-Insertion fic with an unusual twist, perhaps better described as 'IZ Extraction.' It pretty much involves Dib cause he's my fave ^_^ Read it if you're REEEEEALY bored, pweeze? I tried to make it well writen at least.
1. Chapter 1: The Jump

Note: Okay, I've seen a lot of Self-Insertion going on in these fan-fics (and who can blame the people who write them?  Who _wouldn't_ want to meet the Zim cast after all!), so I figured "what the hell, I'll write one too."  The difference here is I added a little twist to my story, which you'll find out.

Disclaimer: No one reads these things anyway, so why bother typing it?  All right, all right… sheesh~  Jhonen Vasquez is the genius behind Invader Zim, not me, though in an alternate dimension I do believe Zim was created by a rabid cow.  Still, I don't own any rights to it and blah blah blah all stuff reserved to Jhonen and the cow, may his glorious moos continue to sound out across the land of purple midgets.

Beware of: Mild swearing (though later it may turn into not-so-mild swearing since I do tend to swear an awful lot when no one's around.  Heh heh, I don't know WHY I do, just a reaction I guess.)

                The moment was drawing near.  I could feel it.  My hands twisted around one another in nervous anticipation, the sweat beginning to bead on my brow, the crazy drumming of my heart echoing throughout my head filled with thoughts of anxious excitement.  Soon.  It was so close.  Ending credits flashed across the TV screen accompanied by annoying Butt-Martian music.  Now my long nails dug into the soft arms of the chair and I leaned forward… waiting… Waiting… WAITING!  I could feel the tension gathering in my back, feel the breath halt in my lungs, the pounding in my head rising to a deafening crescendo … Then I felt a little thirsty.

                After I'd come back from the kitchen, I plopped back down and popped open my Diet Coke, keeping my eyes trained on the bright TV screen through my tentative sips lest I miss the slightest thing.  Cartoon faces began popping up on screen.  The Sign!  IT WAS TIME!  My hand shot for the remote, index finger poised and itching, hovering just above the RECORD button.  Finally the word INVASION lit up the pixels with bright red letters, and I eagerly pushed the button and watched the little red circle start to pulsate on the VCR display.

                "Victory!" I squealed with delight and bounced up and down on the springy cushion, lost in the beautiful raptures of the booming theme song.  

                Yes, it was another typical Friday night with Invader Zim, the only show that could have dragged me out of my nice room with all my art supplies, and downstairs where the satellite dish provided the only cable hook-up.  Of course the night was made all the better by the fact that my parents were out of town and I had half a pepperoni pizza resting in my tummy.  I leaned back contentedly and set the remote to the side; I wouldn't be needing it again until the commercials came on.  As I followed my favorite, little green alien's antics on screen, my eyes drifted downward to my new shirt where the tiny invader was pictured frozen in a maniacal laugh for all time with the logo _Invader Zim_ hanging overhead.  I smiled down at him, as if we shared some sort of secret together and drew my attention back to the action on the TV set.  Now Dib had made his appearance and I was sure it would be a good episode.  After all, Dib was my favorite character.

                A loud crash outside jolted me abruptly out of my little TV sphere.  My ears perked up and I listened for the sound again.  Sure enough, the rumbling crash rattled the house again and my throat suddenly went dry.

                "Dammit," I groaned, "It's starting."  

All day long the clouds had been hanging low and black, threatening to open up at any moment, but since it had made it all the way until night without so much as a drizzle I'd assumed the problem had passed.  _Apparently I was wrong_ I thought annoyed as the sounds of the first, fat raindrops splattered against the aluminum siding.  Huffing, I flopped back in the armchair and decided to ignore the brewing storm and immerse myself with the sights and sounds of my favorite show.  But me being the big chicken that I am when it comes to thunderstorms, I couldn't help but nervously glance every so often out the crack between the closed curtains and I noticed what a tremendous amount of lightning seemed to be crackling down from the clouds.  

Shivering, I forced myself to look at the TV.  Zim was chasing Dib around, firing at him with some sort of laser.  I laughed out loud, relaxing a bit in spite of the thunder which seemed to be growing louder, but I shoved all thoughts of the storm assertively out of my mind and narrowed my eyes in concentration as the animated foes tried to get the better of one another.

Another few minutes went by.  Now Dib was standing directly facing Zim, the two of them in a kind of showdown.  I leaned forward and arched my back, enjoying the episode immensely.

BOOOOOMMMMM!!!  

It felt as if a bomb had gone off.  There was a brilliant flash of light and every single thing in the house shook as if in an earthquake, and I could hear the glasses rattling on their shelves all the way in the kitchen.  My heart froze in my chest and I screamed as the TV began to fuzz and flicker violently.  The lights also flashed on and off, on and off, then finally stayed off for good.  Now my heart was thundering and I began to pant, not realizing that I hadn't bothered to breathe in the last twenty seconds.  

"What was that!?" came a familiar voice.

"Huh?"  I looked up at the TV, my eyes wide.  Had I just heard what I thought I did?

On the screen, Dib and Zim seemed to have forgotten their spat and were gazing around in confusion.

"Did you hear that?" Dib inquired again.  "Where'd that noise come from?"

I stared at the animated pair intensely, my knees suddenly feeling weak._  They heard the thunder _my mind stated matter-of-factly, but the second I realized what I was thinking I shook my head and let out a nervous laugh.  _No, no, that's impossible.  They must be reacting to something that happened on the show, which I missed because I'm such a wimp when it comes to a little rain.  _I giggled unsurely again and turned back to the flashing pictures on the screen.  _But wait a second… the lights are all out.  So why didn't the TV go off?_

Dib and Zim still hadn't moved and I waited for them to start tearing into each other again, but Dib looked around, his features twisting in thought.  "Seriously, Zim, do you know what that was?"  

His voice.  I'd heard it on our TV a million times, but now it seemed louder.  Clearer.  Closer.

Zim gritted his teeth and squeezed the handle of his laser.  "Quit stalling, Earth Stench!  You're only delaying the inevitable moment when I blast you into little bits of Dib dust!"

Dib wouldn't back down.  "Zim, would you get a clue!  Something's seriously wrong.  I've never heard anything like that before."

"It was just a jet engine or something," he growled, "now stop trying to distract me with your pitiful imaginary sounds."

I couldn't be hearing it, but I was.  There was no mistaking it now; their voices were so clear it was as if they were standing in the same room with me.  I swallowed hard, my brain frantically trying to come up with a logical reason why the TV was still on when the power was out and why the characters in the TV seemed to be talking about a thunderclap neither of them could have possibly heard.  It was then that I noticed something odd; there was a strange band of green light glowing around the outer edge of the TV screen.  As I stared at the soft, phosphorescent light, it seemed to swirl into itself like the eye of a hurricane.  I gazed deep into it… hypnotized.

Without warning there was an enormous explosion.  

The television suddenly released a blinding blast of light, which sent me hurdling backwards where I landed painfully on the couch despite the soft cushions.  Everything went dark.  I groaned, dazed and completely caught off guard by what had just happened, my eyes squeezed shut in agony at landing so hard on my back.  I managed to lift my head and for a moment of pure horror I was sure I would look down to find my skin had been shredded by thousands of shards of bloody, broken, flying glass.  I dared to slowly open one eye and, though I was scared to death, glanced down.  To my incredible relief there was not a scratch on me.  

It was a mistake sitting up.  The second I did my whole head felt like it would explode and I cried out in pain.  After a moment, the pain subsided and I felt like I could probably stand up if I was very careful.  Testing my footing, I clumsily staggered over towards the TV to survey the damage.  Even in the engulfing blackness I could see it.  The television sat there, same as ever.  No gaping hole in the screen.  No shattered glass.  Nothing.

"What the hell?!"  I felt as if I would faint and had to grip the coffee table to keep from collapsing.  I thought maybe the light (or rather lack of it) was playing tricks on me, but clearly the TV was completely intact.  "Then where did that explosion come from?" I rambled to myself, my voice shaking.

Something moaned in response.

My eyes popped wide open, my heart jumping into my throat.  Somebody was in the room with me.  

"Who's there!?" I shouted trying my best to keep a steady voice.

The moaning came again.  A male's voice.  "W-what happened…?  Where am I?" it whimpered softly.

Following the source of the voice my eyes fell on a mangled heap of black piled directly in front of the TV.  

I gasped as the heap began to move and take on a more familiar form.  The dark figure sat up, silhouetted in the dim illumination cast from the emergency light mounted on the side of the house, and my jaw dropped practically to the floor, my eyes bugging out of their sockets in disbelief.  _Oh my God!_

The boy shook his head, adjusted the large round glasses he wore and smoothed out his wrinkled trench coat, then, perhaps sensing my presence for the first time, froze and turned around slowly and cautiously to face me.

Somehow I managed to take a step forward.  My eyes wide and filled with amazement, I breathed in a voice that shook not with fear, but with fascination.

"…D-Dib?"

A/N: Ok, so hopefully you made it past the first part with out any _major_ brain damage.  This really isn't anything too special, but I just wanted to post something while I'm working on a different story cuz… well,  I just felt like posting something and this was just sitting in my folder so, you know.  I don't even care if anyone reads it, but if you do… THANK YOU!  WAHHHH!! :cries and hugs the dog:  Um, sorry if that scared you eh heh ^~^;; 


	2. Chapter 2: What the fudge is going on!?

A/N:  Okie-dokie, I guess it wouldn't hurt to post some more of this thing.  I did something I wasn't planning on doing with this fic which is inserting one of my friends into it cause he… well, it's a long story, but basically we were talking about fanfics and he told me he liked this one, then he went on to act out he'd subdue Zim if he came to our world (he's very VERY entertaining when he acts stuff out by the way.  If my TV ever breaks I'm going over to his house ^_^).  So now he gets to meet Dib too and chaos will ensue later on!  Yay!  

P.S.  Jason, if you're reading this, understand that I call you nuts in only the most respectable way ^_^  Thank you for helping to inspire some of my fanfics!

Chapter 2 

The two of us just stared at each other for what seemed like an eternity.  My mind was practically overflowing with things to say, but none of them ever made it past my voice box as I took in the sight of Dib one feature at a time.  He looked exactly like he usually did on the TV; same black coat, boots, pants, and hair.  Same blue t-shirt with the gray nonchalant face on it.  Enormous glasses the size of small dinner plates that seemed to float on his face.  

He moved towards me, and as he did I noticed that even though he wasn't three-dimensional, he still moved as if he was.  It's difficult to explain exactly how he appeared.  He was 2-D, but he wasn't flat.  It almost looked like he were painted on the air itself, like in a 'Roger Rabbit' movie.  A thick black outline surrounded his frame like an aura and no matter how he turned, the line remained centered in my vision and followed my line of sight.

"Who are you?" he cocked an eyebrow, "And how do you know my name?"

"I-I…I mean, um…" I was still in a state of semi-shock and found it rather difficult to speak, and Dib's burning glare wasn't helping.  

Just then, the lights came back on and Dib started glancing around the room, a mixture of emotions etched into his features.

"Where… Where AM I!?" he panicked, his large eyes darting around in a frenzy.  He cautiously crept up to the coffee table and reached out his fingertip, then quickly drew his hand away as he'd been burned.  "And why is everything so… bulgy?"

"I-…" I started to answer, but was interrupted by Dib's scream.

"Yah!  What's Zim doing on your shirt!?" he pointed a shaking finger at me.

"It's um, I mean I… Don't you know?" 

"Know what?"

"About Invader Zim?  About the show?"

"You mean… my dad's show?" Dib looked so utterly confused I felt sorry for him and wished that I had some sort of explanation to offer, but I knew just as much about the weird situation as he did which was basically nothing.  

"No," I tried to explain anyway, "You, um… Well, you're a character on TV, on a cartoon about you and Zim and well…Oh I don't know!" I put a hand to my head, still terribly perplexed by the whole situation.  I think Dib realized just how agitated I was because he didn't prod me about it and instead asked me something I _could _answer.

"What's you name?"

"I'm Taryn," I answered smiling, "but you can call my 'Ryn' for short," I added with a chuckle, thinking of my JTHM comics.  I wondered if Dib would get the joke.

"All right, Ryn it is," he apparently didn't understand the reference (I'd never been called 'Ryn' in my whole life), but for some reason I liked when he called me that, so I didn't bother to correct him.  Dib walked over to me and held out his hand for me to shake.  I placed mine in his, very interested to see what it would feel like shaking hands with a cartoon character.  "Now can you tell me where I am?  Am I still on Earth?"

"Yes… I think so anyway."

"Then why does everything look so different?"

"Because you're not in your world I guess."

"But you just said I was still on Earth."

"Yeah, but I meant that… well, I mean you _ARE_ still on Earth but…" I huffed and buried my head in my hands.  "I wish I knew Dib, but I'm totally in the dark about all this!" I shook my head pitifully and slumped down on the couch.  Dib hopped up next to me and we sighed in unison, both of us just needing to sit down for a second.  A moment later I got back up and walked to the phone.

"What're you doing?" Dib asked.

"I'm gonna call a friend of mine.  This is a very strange situation and he's the strangest guy I know, so he may be able to help us make some sense of this."  I dialed and waited then heard a click on the other end of the line.  "Hello, is Jason there?  Okay," I could hear his mom call to him and then a scuffle as he picked up the phone.

"Hello?"

"Hey Fuzzy," I greeted him by his nickname.

"Hi Taryn, howzit going?"

I glanced over at Dib on the couch.  "Um, actually I've been having a very odd day.  Do you think you could come over here?" I asked quickly, dispensing with the chit-chat.

"Now?" he replied.

"Yeah, I know it's kinda late and it's raining, but I really need you to come over.  It's sort of an emergency."

"Why?  What's the problem?"

"You wouldn't believe me if I told you.  Please can you come?"

"Just a sec…" a pause, then Jason's voice again, "Sure, I'll be over in a few minutes.  Are you sure you can't tell me what this is about over the phone?"

"Trust me, you have to see this to believe it."

"Okay then.  Bye."

"Bye."  I hung up the phone and wandered back into the living room.

"He didn't sound all that strange," Dib remarked and I laughed.

"You haven't met him face-to-face yet," I explained.  "He's totally nuts, but in a good way, and he's got a very… um… _interesting_ way of looking at things.  He may be able to help us figure out just how you got here."

"And how to get me back?" Dib piped expectantly.

I was taken aback by his words.  It hadn't even occurred to me to even begin to consider how to think about how Dib was going to get home (Hee hee, I made that confusing on purpose).  "Well, I'm sure we'll think of something," I told him hopefully.  "Anyway, while we're waiting for Jason, you want a tour of the house?"

Dib nodded and jumped off the couch, following behind me as I led him upstairs.  

"This is my room," I said opening the door at the far end of the hall (which wasn't that far at all since we have a very short hallway) and showing my guest inside.  "Don't mind all the papers," I gestured to a pile by my bed, "they're just some of my drawings and stuff.  It's a little messy in here but not as bad as it was before I did a major overhaul job and cleaned it.  Usually it's-… Dib?"  He didn't seem to be listening as his attention was focused on a paper he'd plucked off the pile.

"This… this is _ME_," he breathed and I realized he was looking at one of my drawings, the one with Dib standing by himself and his coat blowing in the wind.  "Did you draw this?" he cocked his head and narrowed his eyes at me quizzically.

I blushed furiously and lowered my gaze to the floor.  "Oh… uh, yeah, it's sort-of a thing I do.  You don't like it?"

"No, I like it," Dib responded, "it's just eerie seeing a picture of me here."

"I've got a lot more actually," I admitted and pointed embarrassedly over to the wall.  Dib followed my gaze and his jaw dropped.

"Oh… um… wow," he sputtered, taking a step towards the life-size cutout of his likeness on the wall.  He stood in front of it and studied it analytically.  "It's like looking into a mirror," he finally said.

"I made it myself, but it's probably weird to you, and you probably think I'm nuts," I dug a toe of my boot into the carpet.

"Not really, only-… Ryn!  Watch out!  It's ZIM!" he suddenly screamed, pointing a shaking finger at my door and dove behind my bed post.  I whipped around, startled, but then I laughed when I saw what Dib had spotted.

"No, no, that's just another cut-out I made.  I made one of you _and_ Zim," I explained to the cartoon character cowering next to my trunk.  Dib looked at me skeptically and crept over to where a copy of his arch-nemesis was taped up on my door, making a strange face at it.  "Why would you have a big cut-out of _Zim_ in your room!?" he finally asked as if it were the most improbable thing he'd ever heard of (and to Dib it probably was).

"Because I like the show," I told him.

Dib squinted in thought.  "You mentioned something about a show before.  A cartoon.  What exactly did you mean by that?"

I still didn't have any clue how to explain it to Dib, but maybe I could _show_ him.  "I'll go get the tapes," I sighed.


	3. Chapter 3: The Terrifying Extent of my '...

A/N:  More self-indulging crap!  YAY!! ^_^ 

Chapter 3

The end credits began rolling and Dib just sat there in stunned silence.  If his eyes had gotten any wider I was afraid they might just slide off his face.  

            "Hey Dib, you okay?" I pushed the stop button on the VCR, breaking him out of his trance.

            He stuttered, "That… T-that was…"

            "I know it's a bit overwhelming, but try to stay calm," I coaxed holding up my palms.

            "…AMAZING!!!" he finished.

            "Huh!?"

            "I'm on a TV show!  Wow!  This is so incredible!" he babbled on catching me completely off guard.  I'd expected at least a _little_ bit of shock.  

            "W-well… as long as you're happy," I grinned sheepishly.

            "Are you kidding!?" Dib grabbed my hand and jerked me forward excitedly.  "This is great!  Well, except for the show being named after Zim," he added as an afterthought.

            "But even so, the show isn't _just_ about him," I pointed out.  "There are a few episodes where he doesn't even show up.  Really it's only a title and they can't call it 'Invader Zim AND Dib AND Gaz AND GIR and whoever, or it would be too long."

            "I guess you're right," he stared at me blankly.  "It's so cool that I get to be on TV!" he beamed, changing the subject again.  "I always wanted to be on TV, and I didn't even know that I already _was_!  Still…" he paused, "it is pretty weird seeing my life up on the screen like that.  I remember that time too; I can't _believe_ I forgot my briefcase!  I felt like such an idiot.  And the Swollen Eyeballs never did let me reschedule."

            As you may have guessed we'd just finished watching 'Battle Dib.'  I smiled at him.  "You know Dib, you've got quite a following.  Do you have any idea just how famous you are here?"  Dib looked up at me, his eyes practically sparkling.  I giggled at this and continued, "In fact… You're _my_ favorite character."

            "Really?  I am?" he breathed.

            "Yup," I grinned, starting to get very excited now.  I was finally getting over the shock of the slightly unusual turn of events and was now realizing that I was the most incredibly, insanely lucky person in the history of 'Invader Zim' fandom.  I mean Dib, _THE_ Dib, was sitting on my _bed_ for crying out loud!!

            "Ohmygod!  I just can't believe you're really here!  Right here in my _room_!" I suddenly couldn't hold back the urge any longer and wrapped the startled paranormalist in a tight hug of happy, cuddly huggyness.  

            "Ryn…!  C-can't… bre-breathe…!" he choked and I relaxed my grip a little, though I was still smiling and giggling like some sort of crazed, psycho-fan.  I was probably scaring the poor kid out of his mind acting like a slobbering, raving lunatic, but how was I _supposed_ to act?  I mean… It was DIB!!!  DIIIIIIIIIB!!!!!  CAN YOU NOT SEE THE CRAZY INDUCE-Y-NESS!?

            After a deep breath I calmed down a bit.  "Sorry, delayed reaction.  But I'm just so excited!  Oh!  Wait just a sec!"  I said and flew out of the room, returning a moment later wearing my patented trademark 'Dib-like' trench coat.  "I think you'll like this better than my Zim shirt," I practically bubbled.

            "Wow, it looks just like mine," Dib said tugging at a corner, and I thanked whatever god that was responsible for bringing an animated character into the real world that he hadn't fled in terror by this point.

"Well, you are quite the little trendsetter.  I don't know how many people I know online that say they have a trench coat and boots like yours.  Here, I'll show you something else," I said sitting on the bed next to the scythe-haired boy and picked a folder up off the floor.  "This is all my IZ fanart," I announced proudly and showed Dib all the numerous pictures I'd drawn of him, Zim, Gaz, GIR, and the rest of the cast.  I even showed him the Halloween pictures of me when I went to a party as him AND Gaz, pulling off a quick costume change in the middle.  A lot of them he said he really liked such as the sketches of him and Gaz, and the 'Absolute Dib' drawing, but some of them he found a bit… strange, like the one I'd done of him kissing a female alien.  He picked it up and cocked an eyebrow at me.

            "Oh, that one I did for a request," I quickly explained before he could even ask.  'It wasn't my idea.  Still, it's kinda cute, isn't it?"

            Dib just eyed the drawing skeptically and I giggled amusedly.  "It's just that a lot people like for their fan-characters to fall in love with you or Zim or Gaz and stuff.  Trust me, my picture is tame compared to some things out there.  Oh, Dib…" I waved around a hand dramatically, "…the _fanfiction_ I could show you!"

            "Fanfiction?" he inquired.

            "You know, when people write stories about characters that aren't theirs, from books or TV shows?  There's a whole website dedicated to just fan stories from almost every thing imaginable, including your show.  I've even written some fanfiction, which is pretty significant because I never wrote any until 'Invader Zim' came along."  

            "Can I see some of yours?" Dib asked.

            "Sure!" I exclaimed, flattered that he wanted to see more of my psychotic fanworks, "But first let me finish showing you my fanart.  Here, this is one of my pride and joys."  I handed Dib a small stack of paper which he leafed through interestedly, his light brown eyes scanning the pages.  It was the IZ comic I'd been doing on-and-off for the past few months entitled 'The Incredible Shrinking Dib.'  "Come to think of it, this is based off some fanfiction.  Someone else named DanniB wrote the story," I informed him, "I just saw it on FanFiction.Net and thought it would make such a cute comic, plus it was mostly about you and you're my favorite character, so I asked her if I could draw it."

            "Hmm, you really capture my good side," Dib remarked.  "Do you do this for a living?"

            "Not yet.  Maybe someday.  I don't know about doing comics, those I draw only for fun really, but I'd like to get into animation sooner or later."  

I waited patiently for Dib to finish reading.  "So you like it?" I asked apprehensively; I was afraid he might not, only because the plot involved the poor little guy getting tortured by Zim an awful lot, as you can imagine from the title.

            "There's only nine pages here," Dib said in a tone that suggested he was disappointed by this fact.

            "I know.  I haven't gotten that far yet.  It takes a _LOOOONG _time to finish each page, you know."

            "So, what happens?"

            "Don't worry, you get the better of Zim in the end.  Well… sort of," I added.  "Anyway, come downstairs and you can read it for yourself, then I'll show you the fanfics I wrote."  

So a minute later, Dib and I were huddled up in front of the downstairs computer.  I clicked up all my fanfics, plus a few others that I'd liked and saved on our hard drive.  "Here, this is the one I based that comic off of.  Oh and these are some really good ones by The Slayer and Cartman's Girl, and then some by a couple of random authors," I said as I navigated the mouse across the screen.  "And these right here in this folder are the ones I wrote."  

Dib began reading 'Two Fools in a Zcaten Zoo' to start with and I sat on the loveseat and waited patiently (but eagerly) for him to finish, also wondering briefly what was keeping Jason.  Probably got stuck in the mud or something.  Figures, on the biggest, most amazing night of my life he _would_ be late, not because he was never on time, but because it was just my luck.

I glanced over at Dib whose eyes were glued to the monitor.  He made some reeeeal interesting faces as he sifted through all the fanfiction I'd laid out for him.  Every now and then he'd make a comment between faces and we'd end up discussing the story.  As we talked it suddenly occurred to me what a mind-blowing, unbelievable, insanely awesome fanfic _this_ would make!  I could even get Dib to help me write it!  I tightened my fists and silently mouthed, "_Thank you!_"

I went in the kitchen for a minute to get us some chips and pop, and when I came back Dib had already moved on to my fanfics, which he'd saved for last.  "Jeez, you're fast," I remarked with an impressed smile, "And you're gonna think there's something dangerously wrong with me when you're done reading those," I added with a chuckle.

After about fifteen more minutes, Dib had finished with all the fanfics.  He turned to me slowly.  "Ryn?"

"Yeah?"

"There's something dangerously wrong with you."

I grinned and flipped my hair.  "Naturally."

"But seeing as how you're psychotically obsessed with _me_, I guess I can handle it," Dib smiled back.  "You know, for someone who's obsessed, you sure do like to torture me a lot in those things."

"You always hurt the ones you love," I said smiling slyly.  "So I take it you like the fics?"

"Yeah.  Could you let all the authors know for me?"

"I'd love to, but no one will ever believe me when I tell them this happened."  I was about to say more, when both Dib and I jumped at the sound of a teeth-grinding crash from the kitchen.  

A/N:  I'm sorry -_-;;  I am so, so sorry.  Shame on me for writing this… this THING!  But some people seem to enjoy it, so I felt I should continue.


	4. Chapter 4: Chaos!

Immediately we were up and racing out of the room, and my blood turned ice cold as I prayed that that crash meant Jason had finally arrived and tripped over a chair. Or that the dog had gotten out of the basement and knocked over a lamp or something. Any other possibility was too frightening to even think about. 

As Dib and I stepped through the kitchen entryway, we were greeted by a number of flying plates which exploded against the floor behind us as we barely managed to dodge out of their way. 

"What the hell is going on!?" I screamed, not sure whether to be enraged or scared out of my mind. 

The kitchen was dimly lit, but I could make out a small, shadowy figure concealed behind an open cabinet door, and upon hearing my voice it peered out of the darkness and glowered at Dib and I with two fiery, scarlet eyes. Upon seeing us, the figure sent another projectile dish our way.

"YAH!!" Dib and I screamed simultaneously and dove to the floor, and Dib screamed again as a coffee mug crashed right next to his head.

"Dib! I might have known you'd be here too, miserable human," an all too familiar voice snarled, and suddenly it hit me.

"ZIM!?" both of us gasped at once, the realization apparently hitting Dib as well.

"What's _he_ doing here!?" Dib shouted.

"I don't know!" I replied. "I don't even know how we could've _missed_ him! We must've come through the kitchen at least twice! I don't see how-"

Just then, the overhead light flashed on with a click, and the room was flooded with eye squinting brightness. All of our attention darted over to the spiky haired guy in a brown jacket that stood in the back doorway.

"Hey Taryn, sorry I'm late. So what's so important that I had to rush over--" Jason paused, his expression turning to that of shock and confuzzlement as he spotted me and my two houseguests. Well, _one_ guest, and one vandal.

"Um… Hi Fuzzy," I let out a pathetic little laugh and shot my friend an awkward grin. "I-I didn't hear you pull up."

"What in the--!" he began, but was cut short as Zim sent another china torpedo his way. He ducked behind the kitchen table, peering around the side in my direction and shooting me a 'you've got a lot of explaining to do' look. He chanced another peek over the edge of the table, but the panicked Irken sent half the contents of the spice rack his way.

Jason shot a glance in Dib's and my direction. "Taryn… Why are there cartoon characters in your house? And why is one of them throwing nutmeg at me?" he asked almost matter-of-factly. Typical Jason-istic reaction. He ducked again as an egg timer was chucked at his head.

"Stay back! Don't come any closer, horrible mutant thing!" Zim shouted waving a turkey baster threateningly in Jason's direction, then in Dib's and mine. "Where is this? And what are these hideous creatures!?" he asked, directing the question at Dib. "They look an awful lot like you, only they're more misshapen and grotesque," he remarked as he hopped off the counter and sauntered up to me, thrusting the baster at me accusingly and practically shoving it up my nose. Not about to sit there and be terrorized by a plastic kitchen utensil, I grabbed it away from Zim who stumbled back in surprise as I stood at my full height and loomed angrily over him. True, at only 5'1" I was hardly intimidating, but compared to Dib and Zim I was nearly twice their size.

"Look," I tried to coax him (and secretly I was enjoying my little power trip), "I know you're probably scared and confused right now, but…"

"Me? _Scared_?! Ha!! The great Zim fears nothing!" And with that the scrawny invader reared up on his mechanical extension legs in an attempt to match my height. I just folded my arms and regarded him with a raised eyebrow. I was about to respond when there came a sudden thundering from the basement steps, and a frenzied black shape burst in through the door.

"Angel! NO!!" I hollered as the family Labrador dashed around the room in crazed excitement. "Fuzzy, you forgot to close the door!"

"Sor--Yah!!" he yelped as two furry paws pinned him to the floor. "Angel, get off!" Fuzzy demanded, trying to push her away. 

"Angel! Angel! Get down!!" I snapped my fingers next to her ear repeatedly as if it would do an ounce of good. The dog jumped on him a few more times, then she seemed to sense another presence in the room. She whipped her head around, her collar clinking softly, and stared straight up at a certain, little green home wrecker.

Zim's hysterical screams reverberated throughout the house as Angel lunged after him in a mad run, with me chasing after them trying to grab her collar. Jason sat sprawled on the linoleum, scratching his head still trying to grasp the situation, and Dib was busy holding his sides, doubled over with laughter. I'd always been grateful for the fact that we lived out in a farmhouse in the middle of nowhere, but never so much as right then. This would be pretty hard to explain to the neighbors.

Zim and the dog both came back through the kitchen entryway, only now Zim had somehow gotten on top of Angel and was riding her around like a raging bronco. I was trying so hard to repress

s the urge to just join in laughing with Dib at the sight of the mini-rodeo going on in my house, but I had to get things under control again, so when Angel whisked past me I snatched Zim off her back and slammed the door shut as she ran into the other room.

"I don't know _what_ the hell we were thinking when we named that dog Angel," I frowned.

Zim jerked and wriggled against my grip. "Put me down! Ungh! Unhand me this instant!"

"Fighting only makes me squeeze tighter," I informed him.

He gave another good struggle, but ceased when he spotted Dib who was now rolling around on the floor, still drowning in waves of laughter. "What's so funny!?" he barked. Dib just looked up at him blankly for a moment then responded with another burst of uncontrollable giggles. "You dare to mock a mighty Irken solder?" the alien growled, his eyes tightening into dangerous burning slits.

"WELL!!…" I said way too loudly, trying to change the subject and slapping on my biggest, most sincere smile, which still managed to look totally fake, "Now that everyone's here, what say we all get acquainted? Jason…" I glanced over at him, "this is Dib, and Dib, this is Jason, but most people just call him Fuzzy."

"Hey, what's up?" Jason said walking over and shaking Dib's hand. "Wow… your head really _is_ big."

"_Jason!_" I snapped and kicked him in the shin.

"OW! Oh… heh heh, sorry," he smiled goofily. "No offense."

"Eh, s'okay. I'm more than used to it," Dib sighed.

"And Zim…" I continued, "this is my friend, Jason, and I assume you already know Dib." The alien drew back his antennae as I said his enemy's name. "And I'm Taryn, and right now you're at my house."

Zim glared up at me suspiciously. "How do you know my name? Are you some sort of mind-reading beast or something?"

"No, and I prefer not to be referred to as a beast, thankyouverymuch."

Dib waved his hand casually, "Don't take it personally, Ryn. He pretty much calls everyone that. He even goes around skool referring to inanimate objects as beasts. Chalk-beast, eraser-beast, computer-beast, book-beast, lunch tray-beast…"

"Silence, Dib-beast!" Zim snarled.

"See what I mean?" the bespectacled boy grinned smugly.

"Well, _computer_-beast I can imagine…" I said thoughtfully, "but anyway, if you'll just calm down I can explain a few things," I said addressing Zim. "But first I want to know how you got here."

I could sense Zim didn't want to tell me anything, but I also sensed that he was becoming even more confused and desperate. Oh, and did I mention I had my thumb jammed into his squidelyspooch? I didn't_?_ Too bad. 

"Well," he began, "I was in the middle of a duel with the Dib worm, of course winning as usual…"

"Oh please," Dib rolled his eyes.

"… And I was just about to finish him off when this big flash of light blinded me momentarily. The next thing I knew, I felt myself being hurled through some sort of warped space, unfortunately I was hurled rather hard and ended up being knocked unconscious. When I came to I found myself here."

"Is that what happened to you, Dib?" I asked.

"Pretty much, except for the unconscious thing."

"Hmm," I put a hand to my chin, "now it's all starting to make sense."

"What are you _talking_ about?!" Jason raised an eyebrow. "This doesn't make any sense at all!"

"Okay, fine, so it _doesn't_ make any sense. But I think I'm at least starting to see how these two got here. It _has_ to have something to do with that lightning that hit the house. It must have hit the TV antenna and caused some sort of spatial, dimensional rip thingy to open up, connecting our world to theirs through the TV, and apparently they were sucked into it and brought here."

Three sets of eyes were glued to me as I finished my little theory, two brown, one red, all puzzled.

"Come on you guys!" I went on, "It _could_ be what happened! And I don't hear anyone else coming up with anything."

"Weeeeeelllllll… I guess it would account for the bright flash we saw," Dib agreed hesitantly. "It really doesn't make a lot of sense scientifically, but I suppose it's the most likely explanation."

"Aww, thanks Dib," I smiled at him. "Oh by the way, this is totally off the subject, but there's something I've been meaning to ask you and I keep forgetting."

"What is it?"

"Um, is there any truth to the rumors about, um… you and Tak?

Dib looked confused. "What kind of rumors?"

"Oh you know, that you guys are, you know… boyfriend and girlfriend?" I blushed. 

"What?! With _Tak?!_ That's insane! Of _course_ we're not boyfriend and girlfriend! We're not even friends. She's an Irken! She tried to destroy the Earth! Besides, a paranormalist's life leaves no room for that sort of thing. Why?"

"O-oh, no reason. I-I was just curious. You know, I think you should really hook up with that Gretchen girl." 

"Gretchen? The one with the braces?"

"Yeah, that girl."

"Why, do you think she likes me?"

"Sure she does."

"You-you really think I should?"

"Of course! You two would make an adora-"

"Eh-HEM," Jason interrupted, "do we _have_ to discuss this now?" 

"Eh heh heh…" I blushed even harder as I turned to face him, "Sorry, I don't know _why_ I picked just now to bring that up. I was just wondering I guess."

"Enough of this nonsense!" Zim broke in and whipped his head around to glare at me, "You still haven't explained how it is you know the name of the mighty Zim!"

"Unh…" I rolled my eyes with a sigh, "I guess I've _still_ got a ton of explaining to do."

Jason crossed his arms. "Oh good, cause I can't _wait_ to hear this."


End file.
